Well it has been a busy ten years.
Sadly, the Monkey has been driven into expatriatude by the pernicious effects upon the US economy of the twin evils of ObamaCare and Teabaggery.
Nevertheless, a disciplined application of the "short the S&P whenever Obitchba appears on TV" principle has made the Monkey rich. So although he misses his homeland, there is some consolation to be derived from looking around at the walled estate he now owns outside of Saint-Tropez.
Old allegiances die hard, though. So at 5PM on a Sunday the Monkey dutifully fires up the satellite TV to tune into the opener of the Cleveland Browns' 2021 season. 5PM, you ask? But isn't Saint-Tropez five hours ahead of Eastern Standard Time?
Ah, indeed, but with US infrastructure being what it is nowadays, one must allow about an hour for the attempt to capture a useable satellite signal. (IF ONLY THOSE RASCALLY REPUBLICANS HAD GONE ALONG WITH OBITCHBA'S 2011 INFRASTRUCTURE PLAN!)
Unfortunately the start of the game is delayed as President Trick Palin has to offer a brief address from his bunker as to the issue of continued unrest and civil strife. Quoth President Palin: "we gonna shoot them faggits that's runnin' around causin' trouble!"
With that out of the way, the Browns take the field as a couple of refurbished Polikarpov I-15 biplanes now in front-line service with the USAF raggedly sputter overhead.
Ah, kickoff! Sun on the pumpkin helmets. Stirs the Monkey's heart as it has his whole life.
But from there. All downhill. No rhythm, no continuity. No playmakers on either side of the ball despite a generation of top 15 draft picks. Stupid penalties all over the place. Can't stop the run. Getting worked over up and down the field by some off-brand QB.
And in the end, a disappointing start to the season. Sigh.
It is just too bad that this has more or less been the SAME FUCKING STORY EVERY SINGLE OPENING GAME SINCE 1999. Other than that one year we beat someone under Butch Davis, who was a fucking jerkoff anyway.
EXPECTED 2011 FINAL W/L RECORD: 2-14.
