So "Alpha," to the uninitiated, is a term roughly connoting "rate of return greater than overall market forces."
Or some shit like that.
So CNBC is pimping some sort of seminar at which one can likely shell out bananas on top of bananas in order to meet various luminaries from the financial world. That soulless lickspittle Tim Geithner, for example. Say Tim, does evasion of one's own taxes get one closer to Alpha? Just wondering.
Nevertheless, the dude is actually Secretary of the Treasury and this is indeed an important position in the world that was once held by Alexander Hamilton (a long-time hero of the FRM.) So yes, if the price were right it might be worth seeing that guy just to say that you had.
But wait! There's more!
You ALSO get to be the recipient of wisdom from none other than MEREDITH WHITNEY.
Now any member of the Herd probably knows who this dumb bitch is but in case you do not here is a primer:
Meredith Whitney once predicted a major financial calamity in the banking sector. And said calamity happened. And as a result, Meredith Whitney's opinion now MATTERS and she gets to be on CNBC all the time and gets to share the stage with the actual Secretary of the Treasury.
Here is the problem.
FUCKING MEREDITH WHITNEY PREDICTS FINANCIAL CATASTROPHE EVERY TIME SOMEONE HANDS HER A GODDAMNED MICROPHONE!!!!!!!!!!
It would be analogous to the Monkey predicting that it will be 5:10 AM at 5:09 AM and everyone thinking him a genius for making such a call one minute before the event happened. BUT THEN, at 5:11, the Monkey predicts that is will again soon be 5:10. Well, yes, this will indeed happen again SOMETIME. But probably not for, what, 23 hours and 59 minutes?
That is the essence of Meredith Whitney's prognosticative abilities right there. Just predict disaster constantly and at some point the governance of this third-rate decadent empire in decline of ours will deliver said disaster.
And another thing! If you get so much "Alpha" from dumbass Meredith Whitney's advice, what about that 60 minutes interview last December where the dumb cow predicted that like every single US municipality was going to default in 2011 or some shit like that? (Looks around, sees fewer muni defaults in 2011 than in the average year.)
Yeah, following that advice would have Alpha'd you your way into giving hummers in an alley just to keep the electric bill paid.
